15 dezembro, 2017

Letters to Majors (2)

Dear Major
Thank you, my love, for your letters. I know War makes it hard for you to write to me, but I feel special you have kept me in your life. I wish they would feed you better, but I’m happy to know you find some solace with your companions.
I decided to stay away from Hampshire for a while. I ran home, to have my mother’s food, my grandparents love and my cat’s cuddles. My dog wags his tail at the mention of you, he misses you as much as I do.
As you know, being home isn’t easy. Everything is still upside down, with my brother ignoring the family for that witch. My poor mother has caught me up in all the gossip, and the vast majority is bad news. I didn’t have the heart to tell my family you’re at war; they would say I wasn’t woman enough to keep you from it. It’s hard enough to miss you as it is… So, I just pretend everything is the same. I try to ignore the picture of us with my parents; I must be stronger than I tell you in these letters.
I have something embarrassing to tell you. You’ll laugh but also share the longing. I had a sex dream about you; I dreamt you were back, dropping off your stuff before coming to see me and I happened to be nearby. I saw you and you just swopped me off my feet into your bed… we made love as passionately as ever, and as loudly as when we took our first holiday together (remember the rural hotel and its thick stony walls?). We couldn’t look your neighbours in the eye when we finally decided to leave your room… I woke up and reached for you before remembering I was in my single bed at home.
Do you think of me the same? Or does the War have all of you? Please don’t lose yourself in it, come back to me as the Major I love. In return, I’ll keep being the Alexandra you love. (Much like the Pablo Neruda poem I showed you, “(…) my love feeds on your love, beloved,/ and as long as you live it will be in your arms/ without leaving mine."

I wait for your letters fervently; for the proof you, my Major, lives.

Yours, always,
Alexandra




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