I dreamt about you again. We were lying, our legs intertwined (I never mentioned this but I’ve always loved your flushed face and your mussed hair…). I pretended to be asleep so that you could softly draw circles in my chest with your finger. You were so happy, so content to be on top of me and your warm breath sounded so satisfied I didn’t want to upset your deserved peace by opening my eyes. Suddenly you whispered ever so quietly “I wanna stay like this forever. I wanna stay with you forever.”, and the sadness in that whisper nearly broke my heart. It almost made me open my eyes because the urge to hold you and ask why you were so sad was itching in my very soul (you knew something was going to happen, didn’t you? You should have said something to me, oh you should have told me.)
Finally you fell asleep and I was able to hold you like I needed to do. I longed to touch every inch of your silky skin once more. All I wished to do was to make you forget that nonsense about not being with me forever. I waited for you to wake up but I actually fell asleep. When I woke up you were gone.
I still wonder why you left if you were as happy as you said you were, if you were as happy as I was. You could have stayed with me; you could have run with me to anywhere. Ah, but you chose to give up, to give up everything even though it was a choice both you and I had to make, not you and you alone.
Remember those happy days when we used to love each other? I do. I miss those all those times we held hands and told embarrassing stories by the fire. Yes, I’m with Her now but she’s not you. You may think otherwise but I can see the raw pain in your eyes when you forget to avoid me and Her and we run into each other. It kills me knowing I hurt you, knowing she’s a poor substitute for you and she doesn’t deserve this; most of all, knowing I can’t pull you into my arms and kiss you senseless.
How I miss smelling your lemon scented hair!
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